19 ianuarie 2009

Inginerii in actiune

Azi cica e una din cele mai deprimante zile din istorie. Deci nu din luna, nici macar din an. Din istorie. Asa au calculat oameniii de stiinta in lipsa de alta ocupatie (unii din ei cel putin). Sursele sunt multiple: criza mondiala, mijlocul lunii ianuarie ceea ce inseamna ca banii sunt pe duca, vremea rece si mai e destul pana la salariu si zi de luni.

Pentru a trec peste aceasta zi de maxima incrancenare m-am gandit sa ma mai destin putin si am cautat niste glume de domeniul meu. Asa ca iata niste bancuri cu ingineri (english version).

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A group of Sales and Marketing experts were given the assignment of measuring the height of a flagpole. Wearing suits and ties, they marched out to the flagpole with their ladders and tape measures, falling all over themselves to get an accurate reading.

An Engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do. He walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat on the ground, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the so-called experts, puts the pole back vertically into its slot in the ground and walks away.

After the Engineer has gone, the sales guy turns to a marketing guy and laughs. "Isn't that just like an Engineer?" he says. "We're looking for the height, and he gives us the length!

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A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.

Priest: Hi, George. Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!


Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

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A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend: "Look up at the sky and tell me what you see The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute: "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, and then speaks: "Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

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Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers only buy one ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Tickets, please!" The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants see this and agree it is a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.

When they board the train all three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Tickets, please!"

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Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At Dandish, we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At McsWorld, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Infosys we don't pee on our hands."

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Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, 'Head up or head down?'. 'Head up,' said the doctor. 'Blindfold or no blindfold?' 'No blindfold.' So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck.

Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine. 'Head up or head down?' said the executioner. 'Head up.' 'Blindfold or no blindfold?' 'No blindfold.' So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade and stopped an inch above the chemist's neck.

Well, the law stated that if the execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free.

Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine. 'Head up or head down?' 'Head up.' 'Blindfold or no blindfold?' 'No blindfold.' So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the engineer yelled out: 'WAIT! I see what the problem is!'

Sursa: With Friendship

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