24 decembrie 2009

2 sisteme asemanatoare, 2 aprecieri diferite

Secolul trecut a avut 2 mari mentalitati criminale: nazismul german si comunismul rusesc. Totusi, cele doua au fost vazute si apreciate diferit. Daca nazismul a fost condamnat si a fost necesar un razboi pentru a il indeparta, Stalin, unul din exponentii principali ai comunismului a reusit sa-si cladeasca o imagine de mare lider si salvator, fiind de altfel regretat la moarte. Si astazi el este cunoscut drept omul care a transformat Rusia dintr-o tara agrara intr-o mare putere mondiala. Dar asta s-a realizat cu un cost uman mult mai mare decat cel platit de catre nazisti.

Am pus mai jos doua documentare: primul este un documentar francez, "Nuit et brouillard", realizat in 1955. In 30 de minute rezuma cel mai bine ce au insemnat lagarele de concentrare naziste. Al doilea este putin mai lung, 90 de minute, si prezinta viata lui Stalin. Merita vazute pentru a avea o imagine asupra conceptului de lider autoritar si sistem ce-l deserveste intru totul.

Tot ce stim noi despre universul in care traim

Un filmulet facut de catre cei de la Muzeul de Istorie Naturala din America. Pleaca de la cel mai inalt punct al planetei noastre, Himalaya, si cartografiaza orice obiect spatial cunoscut pana in prezent de catre noi.

18 decembrie 2009

La Orange vechii clienti sunt pedepsiti

Despre Orange si cat de "minunat" este a mai scris mikel aici cam anul trecut pe vremea asta.
Anu trecut a inceput tot cam asa: au aparut oferte care ofera mult mai mult decat ce avem acum la abonamente si mai ieftin. Evident ca orice om cand vezi asta vrei sa beneficiezi. Dar se pare ca nu poti.

Eu am abonament la Orange de 10 ani si ceva. Am un abonament de 3 euro (+TVA) si dupa multa bataie de cap si o optiune de 5.5 euro (+TVA). deci 8.5 euro + TVA. In asta am incluse 125 min nationale si 250 min in retea. Acum cu noile abonamente mai mult de atat as avea la 8 euro cu TVA inclus. Sun la ei ca vreau sa imi schimb. Raspuns evident nu se poate. In sistem nu se poate decat Delfin 12 sau altele mai scumpe (pantera de exemplu). Nu vreau asta. Vreau ceva mai ieftin care sa imi ofere chiar mai mult (cum s-a intamplat la Vodafone doar ca la ei esti sunat sa ti se propuna variante mai bune).

Ma duc in magazin. Evident primesc acelasi raspuns. Ok... nu imi convine... ce pot face. Nu, nu se poate facturile mele se pare ca le spun altceva (?!)
Alta problema a fost cum s-a comportat acea "pitzi" de la magazin. Asta e alta poveste.
Bun auzind astea si ca nu se poate cer sa imi inchid abonamentu si sa deschid altul. Nu se poate.... evident ma enervez. Bun... cer portarea. Acu trebuie sa gasesc o retea care sa ma primeasca....
In aceeasi situatie a fost si tata. Dar el a fost sunat dupa ce a plecat de la magazin de catre un consultant care i-a oferit ce a vrut. Eu nu. INCA. Astept.

Asa ca declar decembrie luna luptei impotriva Orange.
Daca suntem de mai multi ani la ei chiar nu meritam nimic?
Perfect atunci mai exista alternative.

Friday laughs

Changing a bulb

How many academic librarians does it take to change a light bulb?
Just five. One changes the light bulb while the other four form a committee and write a letter of protest to the Dean, because after all, changing light bulbs IS NOT professional work!

How many reference librarians does it take to change a light-bulb?
(with a perky smile) "Well, I don't know right off-hand, but I know where we can look it up!"

How many book publishers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to hold down the author.

How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
"Do we have to get author's approval for this?"
Two, one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb.

How many proofreaders does it take to change a light bulb?
Proofreaders aren't supposed to change light bulbs. They should just query them.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in almost all the way in and the other to give it a suprising twist at the end.

How many writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and one to tell a long story about it.

How many literary critics does it take to change a light bulb?
Literary critics don't know how, but rest assured they'll find something wrong with the way you do it.

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Things you don’t want to hear at the tattoo parlor

* Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE.

* We’re all out of red, so I used pink.

* There are 2 Os in Bob, right?

* Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy.

* That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie.

* Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups.

* Anything else you want to say? You’ve got plenty of room back here.

* I’ll bet you can’t tell I’ve never done this before.

* The flag’s all done and you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect.

* Oops….

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Rejected Dictionary Entries

A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

A place where women curl up and dye.

Someone who is fed up with people.

The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Someone me-deep in conversation

A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

Cold Storage.

Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

An insect that makes you like flies better.

Grape with a sunburn.

Something you tell to one person at a time.

A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

The pain that drives you to extraction.

One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

An honest opinion openly expressed.

Something other people have. You have character lines.

11 decembrie 2009

Friday laughs

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honour of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man, Jack, started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."

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A woman gives birth to a baby. Afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, “I have to tell you something about your baby.”

The woman sits up in bed and says, “What’s wrong with my baby, Doctor? What’s wrong???”

The doctor says, “Well, now, nothing’s wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite.”

The woman says, “A hermaphrodite… what’s that???”

The doctor says, “Well, it means your baby has the…er…features… of a male and a female.”

The woman turns pale. She says, “Oh my God! You mean it has a penis…AND a brain ???!!!”

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Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering.

The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head.

The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse."

"But Father, I have a divine right," she informs.

"Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church!" he insists.

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A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from K-City to Chicago. The little boy, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother couldn't think of an answer. So she told her child to ask the flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and posed his question.

The attendant smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

"Yes, she did," replied the boy.

"Well, then," said the attendant, "you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time.

"Have your Mom explain that to you."

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A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling..

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi .

That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again.

He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, 'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

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A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.

'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.

'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'

'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants...

I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'

'So then?' asked the doctor.

'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'

'So then?'

Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought, this is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

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Chang Man Yong works on a collective farm in North Korea. He goes fishing, gets lucky, and brings a fish home. Happy about his catch, he tells his wife: “Look what I’ve got. Shall we eat fried fish today?”

The wife says: “We’ve got no cooking oil!”

“Shall we stew it, then?”

“We’ve got no pot!”

“Shall we grill it?”

“We’ve got no firewood!”

Chang Man Yong gets angry, goes back to the river, and throws the fish back into the water. The fish, happy to have had such a narrow escape, sticks its head out of the water and cheerfully yells: “Long live General Kim Jong Il!”

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Interviewer: Just imagine you are in the third floor, it caught fire. How will you escape?

Man: It's very simple i will stop my imagination.

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Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out.

“If I gave you $20,” the teacher began,” and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?”

“An orgy,” Johnny answered.

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A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.

“Looking at your résumé, I can see that you’re more than qualified,” says the interviewer. “Unfortunately, we can’t have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can’t hire you.”

“But wait,” says the man. “If I take two aspirin, I stop winking.”

“Then show me,” replies the interviewer.

So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colors before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.

“It’s great you stopped winking,” says the interviewer, “but we can’t have our salesmen womanizing all over the country.”

“What do you mean?” asks the man. “I’m happily married.”

“How do you explain all the condoms?” asks the interviewer.

“Oh, that,” sighs the man. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?”

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