30 octombrie 2009

Friday laughs

Reasons a Vibrator is Better Than a Man

* A vibrators only function is to please you.

* They don’t watch televised sports when you want to talk.

* They don’t talk when you want to watch a movie on TV.

* You’ll never have to put your vibrator in your mouth.

* Vibrators never pick their nose in bed.

* Vibrators move.

* Vibrators find all the right spots.

* Vibrators don’t do household chores— but you don’t care.

* A vibrator never leaves you or flirts with your friends.

* Vibrators never make a mess.

* You never worry about where your vibrator has been before.

* A vibrator will never call out someone else’s name when it is with you.

* A vibrator will never ask you to bring it a beer.

* Even if your vibrator is working overtime, you know exactly where it is.

* A vibrator is easy to turn on and off.

* You can spend hours in a bar with your vibrator, and it will still be able to perform when you get it home.

* A vibrator doesn’t care how long it takes to satisfy you.

* Your mother will never ask what your vibrator does for a living.

* A vibrator won’t get pissed of when dinner isn’t cooked.

* Vibrators can’t get you pregnant, give you a disease, or make you watch auto racing.

* Vibrators take up very little room on the bed.

* Vibrators never bother you when you want to sleep.

* Vibrators never compare size with other vibrators.

* You’ll never have to share your vibrator with another woman.

* Your vibrator doesn’t mind if you forget to shave.

* Vibrators never fart in bed.

* A vibrator won’t turn off before you finish.

* It is ok to have more than one vibrator in bed with you at a time.

* If you have a headache or your period, you won’t find a vibrator turned on when you get into bed.

* Vibrators are ALWAYS hard.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Big Tits vs. Little Tits

Women with Big Tits…

* can get a taxi on the worst days
* have men give them the best seats on a bus.
* have a neat place to carry spare change
* have always been the center of the arts (art)
* make jogging a spectator sport
* can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
* have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them)
* usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie
* can always carry a little extra cash
* always float better
* know where to look first for lost earrings
* rarely lack for a slow dance partner
* have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner
* never have to buy a car with airbags
* have a place to carry a extra beer

Women with Little Tits…

* don’t cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public
* always look younger
* find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap
* can always see their toes and shoes
* can sleep on their stomachs
* have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars
* know that people can read the entire message on their T-shirts
* know that everything more than a handful is wasted
* can come late to a theater and not disrupt an entire aisle
* can take aerobic class without running the risk of knocking themselves out
* never be accused of having implants.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Facts about men

Men are some funny creatures, which is why sometimes women have a hard time understanding them. But don’t worry… with these helpful facts, any woman can understand even the most complex behavioral quirks of men, because trust me… they most definitely exist!

1. Men like to barbecue… but what most women don’t understand is WHY? Men love to barbecue because there is an element of danger to it. This adds a subconscious level of excitement to the activity, making it more appealing to even the most peace loving and domesticated of guys.

2. Men have it easier when it comes to buying bathing suits because for them there are only two types… there are cool ones and nerdy ones. They do not feel fat all the time… they are just more worried about the style.

3. Men want to read the newspaper first in the morning because they want to be abreast on what is going on. If you know what is going on in the world before they do, they feel inadequate. So, don’t be offended when he snatches up the newspaper first thing… he is just trying to fulfill his role as a masculine being.

4. Men are sensitive in different ways. If a man tries to build a fire out in the woods and fails, he does not consider the fact that all of the wood is wet… and no, you cannot console him by offering to use the five gallons of gas in the back of the truck. He feels like a failure because his inability to start a fire, to him, says that he is not capable of being the “man in charge”. He feels as if he cannot be depended upon.

So, good luck getting to know your guy better.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

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