2 august 2010

Link dump

Do All Men Cheat? Noooooooo. In niciun caz. Doar unii. Foarte putini. De fapt se numara pe degete...

Se poate merge la plaja si fara creme, fara bikini, fara slapi. De fapt fara a merge la plaja pentru bronzat. Cel putin asa faceau americanii acu' vreo suta de ani. Si toata lumea era fericita si plajele la fel de pline ca si azi.

Si ca tot veni vorba de poze vechi, ar mai fi si unele aeriene ale oraselor americane de pana la 1950.

Un McDonald's din Rusia isi dezvaluie secretele. Mai bine spus rutina zilnica din spatele tejghelei.

In America nu e chiar asa rau sa fii gunoier. Sau decontaminator. Si aici vorbim de lefuri. Ca in general, e mai bine decat orice de prin Land of Choice.

Casti de motocicleta cu o pictura foarte realista.

Ce rezulta din pasiunea pentru sculptura si un creion: arta. Arta minimalista. Si autorul nu vrea sa obtina niciun profit din asta. O face doar din pasiune si pentru a avea ce sa ofere cadou prietenilor. Ati ghicit, nu e roman.

Niste fotografii exceptionale obtinute printr-un lung timp de expunere. Foarte lung. Cam de ordinul lunilor.

23 iulie 2010

Friday laughs

A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.

One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small. The husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow slightly larger every day over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"

The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your butt, didn't it?"

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

A couple takes their young son to the circus. When his father goes to buy popcorn, the boy asks, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"

"That's the elephant’s trunk, dear," she replies.

"No, Mom. Down underneath."

His mother blushes and says, "Oh, that's nothing."

The father returns and the mother goes off to get a soda. As soon as she leaves, the boy repeats his question.

"That's the elephant’s trunk, son."

"Dad, I know what an elephant's trunk is. The thing down there."

The father says, "Oh, that's the elephant's penis."

"Dad," the son asks, "how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"

The man takes a deep breath and explains, "Well son, here's the truth.  I've really spoiled that woman."

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose. The doctor asks him what happened.

"Well," says the man, "I was having a nice round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife's golf ball."

"And?" asked the doctor.

"Well," the man said, "that's when I lifted the cow's tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, 'Hey, honey—this one here looks like yours!'"

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He’d rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

The man said, “Sure. I’ve come to install the phone!”

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Two strangers, a man and a woman, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they are tired and fall asleep quickly—he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1 a.m., the man leans over and gently wakes the woman and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”

“I have a better idea,” the woman replies. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend we’re married.”

“Wow! That’s a fantastic idea!” he exclaims, with a huge smile on his face.

“Good,” she replies. “Now, get your own damn blanket!”

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

“Now, then, Christine,” said the math teacher, “I want to give you a little problem. Suppose there were five children and their mother had only four potatoes to share among them. She wanted to give each child an equal share. How would she do it?”

“Mash the potatoes,” the girl replied.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.

While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.

The undertaker told them, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150”.

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law
home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and spend only $150?”.

The man replied, “A man died here 2000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance”.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.'

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

A Lieutenant, a Major, and a Colonel were dining with the General in his quarters one evening. The conversation turned to sex and the Lieutenant stated that making love to your wife is 10% work and 90% fun. The Major disagreed and stated that he believed making love to your wife is 40% work and 60% fun. The Colonel then stated that they were both wrong and that the ratio is 80% work and 20% fun. They decided to put the matter to a young Sergeant.

“Well, Sir,” he began, “I think you are all dead wrong. It must be 100% fun.”

“Why do you say that?”, asked the General.

“Because,” answered the young sergeant, “if it involved any work at all, you’d assign an enlisted person to do it for you.”

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

A man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he’d like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife’s birthday.

“A little surprise, eh?” smiled the clerk.

“You bet,” answered the customer. “She’s expecting a cruise.”

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

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16 iulie 2010

Friday laughs

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.  Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.  “We have to eat grass.”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.

“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You come with us, also.”

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!”

“Bring them all, as well,” the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind.” “Thank you for taking all of us with you .

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high”

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him: “This is all in your mind” and refers him to a psychiatrist.

After a few visits, the shrink confesses: “I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured.” Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.

The witch doctor says: “I can cure this.” He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says: “This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year!

All you have to do is say ’1-2-3' and it will be at your service. Then, when you are done, all you or your partner has to say is ’1234' and it will sleep again. But be warned; it will not work again for a year!”

The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, he is lying in bed with her and says: “1-2-3” and suddenly he’s ready to got.

So then his wife says: “What did you say ’1-2-3' for?”

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?”

The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, “For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!’”

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman.

Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

“Well,” said the American, “I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth.”

He continued, ” So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here.”

“That’s amazing!” said one of the doctors, “But what happened to the other two?”

“Last I saw them,” replied the American, “the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his.”

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. Canadians don’t change light bulbs, they accept them as they are.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists. The terrorist leader said, “Before we shoot you, you will be allowed last words. Please let me know what you wish to talk about.”

The Englishman replied, “I wish to speak of loyalty and service to the crown.”

The Canadian replied, “Since you are involved in a question of national purpose, national identity, and secession, I wish to talk about the history of constitutional process in Canada, special status, distinct society and uniqueness within diversity.”

The American replied, “Just shoot me before the Canadian starts talking.”

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

An American, a Canadian, and an Australian were sitting in a seedy bar enjoying a few beers.

The American grabbed his beer, knocked it back in one gulp, then he threw the glass into the air and shot it with his handgun. As he set the handgun on the bar, he told the Canadian and the Australian that in the great U.S. of A, they had so much money they never drank out of the same glass twice.

Next the Australian drank his beer, threw the glass into the air and shot the glass with the American’s gun. As he was setting the gun back on the bar he proclaimed that in Australia they had so much sand that glass was cheap and he too never drank out of the same glass twice.

Next the Canadian drank his beer, grabbed the gun off the bar, and shot the American. As he was setting the gun back on the bar, he told the Australian that in Canada we have so many Americans you never have to drink with the same one twice.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

A widow goes on her first date since her husband's death, and afterward the two end up back at her place. Once in the bedroom, she takes off everything but her black panties.

"You can touch me anywhere else," she says, "but down there I'm still mourning."

"I figured as much," says the man. He then proceeds to pull down his pants and put on a black condom. "If you don't mind, I'd like to offer my deepest condolences."

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

The madam of a brothel has a problem, so she goes to a local priest. "I have two talking female parrots," she tells him. "All they can say is 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"

"That's awful," the priest agrees, "but I have a solution to your problem. I have two male parrots whom I've taught to pray and read the Bible. If we put your parrots with mine, I believe yours will stop saying that awful phrase and will instead learn to recite the word of God."

The next day, the madame brings her parrots to the priest's house and puts them in with the male parrots, who are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

"Hi, we're prostitutes," say the females. "Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks at the other and squawks, "Close that Bible, Frank! Our prayers are answered!"

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

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9 iulie 2010

Friday laughs

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.

"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."

The repairman could contain himself no longer.   
"Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

One afternoon, Harry Harrington walks into his supervisor's office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Harry," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Harry. "I knew I could count on you!"

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

So this fella goes into the doctor's office for his annual physical. The doctor comes in, looks at him for a moment, and says,

"You need to stop masturbating".


"So I can do the exam."

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

How many optimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they're convinced that the power will come back on soon.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bathtub.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?

An offer you can't understand.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

A man walks into a dentist's office and says, "Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a moth."

Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."

Man: "Yes, I know."

Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"

Man: "The light was on..."

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

My blonde coworker was about to go on vacation. I needed to use her computer while she was away, so I asked if she could give me her password.

"Sure thing," she replied, and wrote it down for me:


"Sheesh! How come you made it so long?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, DUH! It has to be at least 8 characters."

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

A boy and his date were parked on a back road far away from town, making out, when the girl stopped the boy.

“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a professional prostitute, and I charge $100 to go any farther.”

The boy reluctantly paid her, and a couple of minutes later it was time to go back. But the boy just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.

“Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.

“Well, I should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a cab driver, and the fare back to town is $120.”

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

A driver cruising along a Texas road accidentally hit a calf, killing it. Wanting to do the right thing, the driver headed over to the owner's ranch house to explain what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

"Well, right now, it'd probably fetch about $50 or so," said the rancher. "But in six years, it would've brought me $1,500. So, $1,500 is what I'm out."

The driver sat down, wrote a check, and handed it to the rancher.

"Here you go," he said. "One check for $1,500. Post-dated six years from now."

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

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6 iulie 2010

Un mic test

Hai sa vedem ce cuvinte va vin in minte la vederea urmatoarelor cuvinte partial completate. O mica "spanzuratoarea", sa-i zicem asa.

1. F _ _ K
2. PU _ S _
3. S _ X
4. P _ N _ S
5. BOO _ S
6. _ _ NDOM


Hai sa vedem si raspunsurile:
3. SIX


Link dump

Asta inseamna curaj. Sa intervii in meniul unui ditai animal.

Ce se obtine din combinarea modei si a atlasului de anatomie? Asta.

Meniul saptamanal al unor familii uzuale apartinand diverselor popoare.

Oua cu personalitate. Sau ce poate iesi din mainile unuui artist mai nonconformist si cu multa imaginatie.

10 dintre cei mai neobisnuiti saci de dormit.

Ce inseamna actualizarea statusului de facebook aproape in timp real: primesti si felicitarile aproape in timp real, chiar daca nu erau cele mai dorite.

Nu toate starletele porno sunt tute. Unele chiar au IQ de Einstein. Aici nu discutam despre plamadele autohtone unde nu se mai poate salva nimic.

26 iunie 2010

Link dump

Cateodata tehnologia e prea mult pentru unii.

Si un alt exemplu de victorie a tehnologie asupra unui biped uman.

Italienii au reusit sa descopere ceea ce par a fi cele mai vechi picturi in care apar fetele a 4 apostoli. Dateaza din secolul 4.

La englezi se poate: harta metrourilor in timp real pe internet. La noi nu merge nici macar in statii.

Arta poate fi facuta si din oase. Oase umane. Responsabil e un francez.

O imagine cat o mie de cuvinte. Cam atat se mai poate spune dupa vizionarea urmatoarelor imagini ale unor infractori. Pentru multi pare momentul de maxim succes al vietii.

O chitara nu face impresie doar prin sunet. Si aspectul conteaza. Si pentru urmatoarele exemplare, aspectul este deja dus la extrem.

Prostia doare! Iata dovada.

O lume analogica

Sau cum ar arata sarcinile zilnice prestate cu ajutorul aparatelor digitale intr-un mediu total analogic.

Java 4-ever

Din distributia productiei de mare succes: Eddie Larrison, Scala Johansson, William Windows, Mona Lisa Harddrive, Lenny Linux.

A masterpiesce...

29 mai 2010

Link dump

Pentru pasionatii de puzzle: una bucata puzzle 3D la doar $30.000.

Acum se poate scoate ceva concret din resturile de hartie rezultate din shreddere: hartie igienica. 40 de coli, 30 minute si iese o rola de hartie igienica. Costa doar $100.000

Unii oameni au o pasiune pentru motociclete dusa la limita. Si ce poate iesi din mainile unor astfel de pasionati decat niste supermotociclete.

Wave Gotik Treffen este un cel mai mare festival gotic din lume. Si costumatiile participantilor la aceasta manifestare sunt dintre cele mai nonconformiste.

La 22 de ani creierul uman isi atinge potentialul maxim. Asta spun cercetatorii americani. Si la 27 ani incepe declinul.

Comunicare e foarte importanta intr-o relatie. Dovada ar fi scrisorica pe care o fatuca i-o scrie prietenului sau iubitor de pornache si dornic de a aplica cele vazute. Bineinteles, pe craiglist, ca sa stie toata lumea.

Sapunul nu foloseste doar la spalat. Unii fac opere de arta din sapun. Greu de distins ca vorbim totusi de sapun.

Imaginea mea si a multora e ca la asiatici se mananca orice misca. Si am gasit si dovada. Tot felul de ciudatenii ce se gasesc in supermarketurile chinezesti.