Gaselnitele zilei

O cafenea din Westhoughton, Marea Britanie, ofera un mic dejun foarte generos la 10 lire (cam 16 dolari). Contine de toate si e mare. Oferta speciala e ca daca reusesti sa mananci totul in 20 de minute, fara bautura, il primesti gratis. Pare buna oferta. Cred ca ar prinde si la noi asa ceva desi la cat sunt unii romani de fomisti s-ar putea ca afacerea sa mearga in mare pierdere.

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O forma diferita de arta contemporana: arta cu artificii. Omul din spatele spectacolului pirotehnic din deschiderea jocurilor olimpice de la Beijing din 2008, Cai Guo-Qiang, ne dezvaluie cateva din secretele sale si ne arata cum se face arta din praf de pusca.

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Vreti sa stiti in orice moment cati oameni sunt in spatiu la orice moment de timp? Iata si pagina de web dedicata acestui lucru. Acum avem 6, toti pe statia spatiala internationala.

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Omul cand moare are 2 optiuni: cimintir sau crematoriu. De la crematoriu sunt iarasi 2 cai: urna sau imprastiatul cenusii in locuri apropiate raposatului. Acum a aparut si a treia: creioane. Da, creioane. Iata setul de 240 creioane facute din cenusa rezultata in urma arderii resturilor umane. Fiecare creion este stantat cu numele raposatului din a carui cenusa este realizat. Si asa realizam circuitul normal al naturii, "nimic nu dispare, totul se transforma".

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Cele mai bune locuri din lume in care puteti manaca anumite specialitati. Crema cremelor in materie de un anumit preparat. Nu e greu de ghicit ca multe sunt in Paris.

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Cum cubul Rubik normal, cu 6 fete, nu era suficient, a aparut cel cu 12 fete. Sa te tot lupti cu el ore-ntregi. Partea buna e ca dupa chinuri nesfarsite si incercari exasperante si esuate de a rezolva ceva exista o solutie salvatoare. Se poate dezmembra si aranja manual la loc in pozitia corecta. E doar 50$. Un mizilic.

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Un om nevinovat e tinut dupa gratii chiar daca 2 teste ADN i-au dovedit nevinovatia. Doar in America se poate asa ceva. Cu toate aceste dovezi i s-a refuzat un nou proces. In cadrul articolului este si un filmulet de vreo 12 minute. Merita urmarit pentru a vedea cum gandesc si incearca sa se disculpe cei ce fac legea in America. E fascinant cu cata lejeritate si cu zambetul pe buze poate respinge un procuror toate noile dovezi de care depinde viata sau libertatea unui om (pe la minutul 3:10-3:20). Si schimbul de replici de la final intre producatoarea documentarului si o prestigioasa judecatoare e fabulos.

Friday laughs

Five Questions Most Feared by Men


Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, Dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

•Baseball.
•Football.
•How fat you are.
•How much prettier she is than you.
•How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you."


Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, Dear."

Inappropriate responses include:

•Oh Yeah, shit-loads.
•Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
•That depends on what you mean by love.
•Does it matter?
•Who, me?


Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Among the incorrect answers are:

•Compared to what?
•I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
•A little extra weight looks good on you.
•I've seen fatter.
•Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.


Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:

•Yes, but you have a better personality
•Not prettier, but definitely thinner
•Not as pretty as you when you were her age
•Define pretty
•Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.


Question # 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette and a boat"). No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not, don't you like being married ?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurt look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: Shit!

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Men Are Just Naturally Happier


NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.


EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

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Love vs marriage

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

TV has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".

Conclusion: "Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!"

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History according to sixth graders

The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling!

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

9. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen,” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.”

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

14. Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

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From students' report cards

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system.

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

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Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton. One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the Proposition that they were nearly identical stories. His professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic:..... $29.99
Clinton:..... $29.99

Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:..... Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and Subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and Subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:..... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:..... Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic:..... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:..... Let's not go there.

Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:..... Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:..... Clinton doesn't remember Monica.

Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:..... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing.

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O zi pe Transalpina

De mult imi doream sa ajung pe Transalpina. E drumul ce taie Parangul, incepand de la Novaci si terminandu-se la Sebes. Vreo 140km. Oficial este clasificat ca drum national, DN67C mai exact. Practic e un drum lasat in voia naturii si nerefacut de pe vremea primului razboi mondial cand nemtii l-au consolidat din ratiuni militare. Este drumul ce ajunge la cea mai mare altitudine, 2145m in pasul Urdele. Partea cea mai frumoasa si grea a traseului este intre Ranca si Obarsia Lotrului, adica vreo 30 si ceva de km. La partea aceasta ma voi referi si eu in continuare.

Citisem tot felul de legende despre drum. Cati oameni atatea pareri. Pe majoritatea forumurilor generaliste se gaseste si cate-un topic cu Transalpina. Rezumand cam tot ce citisem stiam ca trebuie sa ma astept la un drum greu, sa nu ma mire vreun cauciuc spart sau vreo tabla indoita si in niciun caz sa nu ma bag la drum pe ploaie.

Cum vremea se anunta buna vreo cateva zile, am decis sa merg pana la Ranca, sa gasesc ceva cazare p-acolo sa trec mai apoi muntele si sa campez la Obarsie.

Drumul pana la Ranca e bun. Chiar din ce in ce mai bun pe masura apropierii de Ranca. Si asta deoarece Transalpina e in plina reparatie. Se reface toata (latire + asfaltare). In Ranca se lucra din plin la punerea covorului asfaltic. Muncitorii chiar aveau spor si lucrarile miscau intr-un ritm normal dar prea alert pentru un ritm "obisnuit" din Romania. Cred ca in cateva zile au asfaltat toata Ranca.



Am prins o zi superba pentru traversare. Soare si niciun nor pe cer. Oficial drumul este inchis pentru efectuarea lucrarilor. Neoficial se trece dar in functie de progresul lucrarilor. Adica poti avea nenorocul de a prinde o impuscare a unui versant si trebuie asteptat vreo 1-2 ore pentru ca baietii sa curete soseaua.

Pana spre pasul Urdele, drumul e deja latit si asteapta doar o mica indreptare si covor asfaltic. Chiar in pas se lucreaza la latire. Baietii misca mult mai rapid la aproape 2200m decat pe plat, la campie, la construirea unei autostrazi. Si asta deoarece lucrarea a fost concesionata unei firme care dupa ce va reface soseaua va pune taxa pentru intrarea pe ea. Ceea ce mi se pare perfect normal. Daca mi se creeaza conditii decente, sunt dispus sa platesc pentru a ma simti bine. Si pe Transfagarana ar trebui introdusa o astfel de taxa. Asa am mai scapa de grataragii si trantorii care se inghesuie sa dea o tura pana sus, sa manance o ciorba si sa plece. Un 10-20 lei pe trecere si ar fi suficient sa mai cearna pleava.



Drumul pa la Obarsie e decent. Cu un mers incet si atent am reusit sa ating doar de vreo 4-5 ori cu scutul/pragul de pietre cu un Logan. Am vazut si un Opel Astra nou trecand si chiar un Matiz aprope de varf. Peisajul e superb. senzatia de a te afla pe un acoperis si panorama oferita sunt de nepretuit.

Lejer, cu opriri peste opriri si pozat am facut aproape 4 ore. Doar mergand se poate face fara probleme in 2 ore dar e pacat sa nu va opriti pentru admirarea peisajului si o gura de oxigen.




Dar frumusetile de mai sus nu au loc in promovarile doamnei Udrea cu Land of Choice. Las' sa promoveze Mamaia si Valea Prahovei, culmile snobismului romanesc si cam singurele destinatii cat de cat accesibile din Bucuresti. Sa ramana Transalpina un drum doar pentru cei ce apreciaza cu adevarat natura.

Friday laughs

As US tourists in a Middle Eastern country, a man and his wife were sitting outside a souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. "America," the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. "She's not from the States." "Yes I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked.

"Is he your husband?" "Yes." she replied. Turning to the husband, he offered. . . . . "I'll give you 100 camels for her." The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "she's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

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A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, “Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings: I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”, he said.

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A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa..’ ‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender (’la computadora’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your money on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine (’el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that had you waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.

The women won.

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A blonde's cooking diary:

It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden..

I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius.. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.

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A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn while the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says:

"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading my book," she replies.

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"

"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.

"I didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff.

"Yes, that's true.. but you have all the equipment ..."

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The teacher says to her new class, "For our first lesson, each of you will stand up, tell us your name, what your father does, spell what your father does, and then explain it to us. All right, Billy. You go first."

Billy stands up and says, "My name's Billy. My father's a lawyer, l-a-w-y-e-r, and he defends people in court."

The teacher says, "Very good. All right, Benjamin."

Tyrone stands up and says, "My name's Benjamin. My father's a pharmacist, f-a-m ... f-a-r-n ... f-n..."

The teacher says, "Benjamin, you go home tonight and learn how to spell pharmacist. All right, Angelo."

Angelo stands up and says, "My name's Angelo. My old man's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he was here, he'd give you nine-to-five odds Benjamin ain't spellin' pharmacist by tomorrow."

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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband:

“When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

“All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”, the husband replied.

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”

“It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”

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A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer.

"We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it too."

"Very clever!" remarks the other patron.

Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those darn blind kids from the bus?"

"Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being referred to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?"

"Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window, "but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the heck out of my best milk cow!"

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Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.

The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, 'I brought ten apples.' The king then explained the trial to him. 'You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten up.'

Two apples went in?.. But on the third one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.

1...2...3... 4...5...6. ..7...8.. . and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, 'Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?'

The second one replied, 'I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.'

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A search and rescue team had been assembled and sent on a mission to find an airplane that had crashed on top of a mountain. It was their duty to rescue any survivors. After finally reaching the top of the mountain, they came upon the crash site.

At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of other bones, he noticed the rescue team.

"Thank God", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"

The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten all of his comrades.

The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"

The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man... your plane only went down yesterday!"

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Recenzia zilei de ieri

Numere de inmatriculare cu personalitate. Pentru unii numarul trebuie sa insemne ceva, trebuie sa iasa in evidenta, sa fie miezul din dodoasca. Si nu apare niciun B-69-SEX. Cel mai apropiat de noi e un numar maghiar.

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Oamenii de la Durex au imaginatie cand vine vorba de reclame. Iata o colectie a celor mai bune reclame-poster ale lor.

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Sunt la moda acum diagramele functionale, flowchart-urile dupa cum sunt cunoscute mai bine. Orice este transpuns intr-un flowchart. De la incheiatul pantalonilor pana la evaluarea starilor psihologice personale. Astfel ca nu putea sa lipseasca ceva legat de calculatoare. A aparut astfel manualul pentru repararea unui calculator prin intermediul acestui tip de diagrame. Se gaseste si pe Amazon cu $14.95.

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Oamenii de stiinta nu se ocupa doar cu dezvoltarea unor noi tehnologii de comunicare sau descoperirea unor remedii pentru cancer. Unii dintre ei pierd timpul si cu studii total neinteresante sau cel putin nerelevante pentru nimeni. Stiati ca dansatoarele la bara aflate la menstruatie castiga mai putin ca celelalte? Va interesa o asemnea chestie? Acum ca stiti, va influenteaza aceasta informatie cu ceva? Foarte probabil, nu. Dar unii sunt platiti si pierd timpul cu astfel de studii.

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Unul din cele mai bune solouri la chitara pe care le-am vazut. Toata lumea a ramas masca. Tipul chiar are talent si ii preavad un mare viitor. Doar sa se tina de treaba. :)



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Greu cu engleza la nivel inalt. Un episod petrecut la ambasada Japoniei din SUA demonstreaza acest lucru. Ar fi prea tare sa fie adevarat.

Noile limitatoare de viteza

La altii, craterele trebuie lipite pe asfalt. La noi sunt naturale.

Descoperirile zilei de ieri

Datorita delicious am gasit doua utilitati folositoare:

- prima ar fi o aplicatie freeware pentru defragmentarea hardului Auslogics Disk Defrag.

Auslogics Disk Defrag is a simple disk defragmentation program. You can defragment multiple disks or select individual files or folders for defragmentation. Auslogics allows you to set the priority of the application and can tell your computer to shut itself down when the defragmentation process is complete—a handy feature when you want it to scan and defragment while you're sleeping but don't want to leave your computer idling all night. Auslogics Disk Defrag is a free and portable application.

- a doua e o metoda simpla si rapida prin care se optimizeaza resursele folosite de Firefox

1. Open the Error Console: Tools menu/Error Console
2. In the Code text box paste this (it’s a single line): Components.classes["@mozilla.org/browser/nav-history-service;1"].getService(Components.interfaces.nsPIPlacesDatabase).DBConnection.executeSimpleSQL("VACUUM");
3. Press Evaluate. All the UI will freeze for a few seconds while databases are VACUUMed

Daca intalniti o eroare gen an illegal character, schimbati ghilimelele de la VACUUM din cele rotunde in cele tip typo.

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O tehnica inteligenta de a citi mai rapid descrisa de catre Kris Madden. Pare simpluta si destul de eficienta. In mare, consta in repetarea continua a succesiunii de vocale "AEIOU" in timpul citirii.

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Eric Giller coordoneaza programul WiTricity care se ocupa de dezvoltarea unei solutii de transfer wireless a energiei electrice. Iata o demonstratie practica a evolutiei tehnologice la care a ajuns grupul sau de oameni de stiinta. Estimarea mea este ca in maxim 10 ani va aparea si la nivel comercial o metoda de transfer wireless a energiei electrice. Poate chiar aceasta.

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Aruncatul banului si ghicirea fetei pe care acesta va cadea pare o treaba simpla cu o proportie teoretica de 50% de a nimeri fata corecta. Dar dupa cum spune si regula de 50-50-90, daca ai o sansa de 50% de a duce un lucru la bun sfarsit, exista 90% sanse ca ceva sa nu mearga. Aici vorbim doar de niste probabilitati disproportionate cu 2-4 procente. Iata si matematica din spatele acestor afirmatii.

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O noua parodie cu Hitler, bazata pe secvente din filmul Der Untergang (2004), circula pe internet. De data aceasta subiectul este prabusirea pietei imobiliare. Hitler este un investitor care si-a luat teapa. (via)



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Exista acele momente in care am da orice sa avem o camera de luat vederi sau un aparat foto pentru a imortaliza un anume moment. Unii au fost norocosi si au reusit sa surprinda exact momentul potrivit.

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Pe buda e locul ideal al unora de citit. Problema mai apare cand graba e atat de mare incat nu mai apuci sa mai iei ceva de citit pe drum si te-ai cam saturat sa tot citesti etichetele tuturor produselor din baie. Iata o noua metoda de a pierde vremea pe buda: origami. Imprimat direct pe sulul de hartie.

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Pentru cei care se pricep la Photoshop, am gasit o resursa cu 30 de tutoriale pentru a imprima texturi retro si vintage. Parca m-as apuca si eu sa invat ceva Photoshop vazand cate minunatii poate face.

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A da un vant intr-un loc public sau intr-un mediu inchis e un eveniment total nedorit de catre oricine. Dar este totusi o necesitate fiziologica. Stiati ca in medie un om da cam 14 vanturi pe zi? Iata si multe alte lucururi pe care in mod sigur nu le stiati despre un simplu vant.

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Oamenii colectioneaza obiecte conform meseriei lor. Fotbalistii schimba tricouri cu adversarii, vanatorii se mandresc cu trofeele lor, sportivii de performanta cu medaliile si tot asa. Un dentist ce poate strange? Dinti, bineinteles. Iata colectia unui doctor chinez. (via)




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Ca tot se vorbeste peste tot ca twitter e o adunatura de mesaje despre nimic, ca pe bloguri nu prea mai apare nimic interesant, ca originalitatea e in scadere pe net, iata si un blog despre nimic, un blog despre toate lucrurile banale si plictisitoare. In modul sau, e original si chiar are trafic si comentatori. (via)

Supersizin', no exercisin' ...

Exista un mit al "dezvoltarii" femeii dupa casatorie. Daca pana atunci toate incerca sa arate cat mai dichisite, aranjate, trase pe sfoara, stilate, cu bun gust, etc, dupa ce au prins barbatul de picior si l-au incatusat cu verigheta, incepe descatusarea si femeia tinde spre dimensiunile unei balene. Iata totul transpus intr-o melodie mult prea haioasa de catre Rodney Carrington.



PS: Totul este un mit. Nimic din randurile de mai sus nu este dovedit :)

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Friday laughs

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact.

" Marion …Marion "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed."

"That’s wonderful! What’s it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course .. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you’d be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to golf course again. Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob you must be in Heaven!"

"Not exactly … I’m a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona ."

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A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault."

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Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After rewieving his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. "Follow me" he said, opening the gate and walking in.

After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing. Saint Pete was furious. "If you do that again, You'll go straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there."

After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.

Again they walk and for the third time Peter drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Pete is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.

A few weeks later, Saint Peter goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass of.

"Why is it so god damn cold down here? "Pete asks.

"Well you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied.

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A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought.

Soon he sees another sign which reads

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you,my son? '

He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....'

'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.

SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

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Funny ads:

Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.

For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.

Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.

Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.

Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.

Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.

Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.

Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.

Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.

Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts

Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.

Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.

Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.

Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.

Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.

German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.

Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.

Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products."

Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.

Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.

Hummels – Largest selection ever. "If it’s in stock, then we have it!"

1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.

Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.

Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.

Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.

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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open."

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10 Business Rules to Live By:

1. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

2. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

3. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

4. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

5. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

6. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

7. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

8. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

9. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

10. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

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Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.

The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, "Your Grace."

The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence."

Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle, "Well?"

So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh my God!"

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A Highway Patrolman pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had won $5000 in the statewide safety competition.

"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.

"Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license," he answered.

"Oh don't listen to him," yelled a woman in the passenger seat. "He's a smart alec when he's drunk."

This woke up the guy in the back seat who took one look at the cop and moaned,"I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car.

At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, in Spanish,"Are we over the border yet?"

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Things You Don't Wanna Hear During Surgery:

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops!

Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Damn, there go the lights again....

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of them.

What do you mean you want a divorce?

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Sterile, schmerile. The floor's clean, right?

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature!

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

Darn! Page 147 of the manual is missing!

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Bipedul de stadion

Dinamo mai adauga un nume la lista interminabila a rusinilor europene. Elfsborg, NEC Nejimegen (neica nimeni dupa spusele altora), Knattspyrnufelag (e greu si de scris si, mai ales, de pronuntat; mai pe scurt, o echipa de pescari islandezi), 17 Nentori, nume care au ajuns la urechile microbistului roman si au ramas intiparite in memorie doar prin victoriile repurtate asupra cainilor. Pentru islandezi, Dinamo a ramas unica echipa eliminata de catre ei in cupele europene. Este si o sarbatoare aniversara in cinstea acestei performante. Ieri seara, lista rusinii are un nou memebru: Slovan Liberec.

Si cum performanta negativa a dinamovistilor din teren nu era suficienta, au iesit la iveala si malacii din tribune. Daca echipa nu reuseste, s-au gandit ca macar ei sa bata pe cineva. Huliganismul bipezilor de stadion si-a aratat adevarata fata. Majoritatea suporterilor se prezinta la meci doar pentru a face scandal. Daca-i intrebi la sfarsit, nu stiu nici cum ii cheama dar stiu ca trebuie sa injure, sa strige, sa se umfle-n pene si sa bata orice apuca. Stadionul devine locul revarsarii frustrarilor de peste saptamana. Si galeria le da putere. Cu cat fac mai urat, cu atat sunt priviti mai bine si dobandesc alt statut in gasca. Si daca nu esti ca ei, esti privit ca un gunoi si tratat ca atare.

Din pacate aici nu e vorba doar de Dinamo. Din partea mea, sa piarda si la 10 goluri diferenta. Problema e ca reprezinta Romania. Si in vest suntem toti priviti la fel. In memoria altora va ramane doar romanii, nu dinamovistii. Televiziunile vor arata imagini cu ce ceea ce se intampla in Romania, nu in soseaua Stefan cel Mare.

O alta problema e ca sufera un intreg stadion pentru 20-30 de teribilisti. Eu, ca suporter stelist, sunt privat de dreptul de a vedea 3 meciuri din Ghencea. De ce nu se poate lua o masura serioasa doar impotriva celor vinovati? Ce vina au ceilalti 95% din oamenii de pe stadion? Cat de greu poate fi sa verifici niste bannere la intrarea pe stadion? Sau sa nu lasi anumiti huligani sa intre? E proprietate privata si clubul poate face ceea ce doreste. Suporterul a ajuns sa considere intratul pe stadion un drept, nu un privilegiu.

Sper ca UEFA sa reusesca ce n-am fost noi romanii in stare sa facem singuri. Sper ca Dinamo sa primeasca o suspendare exemplara, Borcea sa se trezeasca, sa realizeze ca echipa e la pamant si sa se ia niste masuri drastice acolo. Tot schimband antrenorii nu rezolva nimic. Pregatirea pentru Chapions League va fi pe o perioada nelimitata. Trebuie schimbat tot, de la conducere incepand si terminand cu jucatorii. Dinamo are mai mult staff tehnic si oameni de conducere decat jucatori in lot. Aici e o problema. Si o alta mare problema e mentalitatea jucatorilor dinamovisti. Cocolositi si aparati de conducatori, ei se cred stapanii echipei. Au devenit mai cunoscuti prin prestatiile lor din afara stadionului decat pentru ceea ce sunt platiti prin contract. Si ne dovedesc adevarata lor valoare in sirul interminabil de insuccese europene.