12 ore... inseamna jumatate de zi. Inseamna 720 de minute. Inseamna 43200 secunde.
12 ore autonomie inseamna o zi de munca fara stresul ca se opreste curentul si nu mai rezista bateria decat 2 ore.
Inseamana "cineva" care te poate ajuta toata ziua. Si sa iti fie alaturi fara a face nazuri sau sa iti ceara ceva la schimb. Totul pentru jumatate de zi!
Cineva care sa te binedispuna in traficul infernal cand te duci la munca, la scoala... fara sa iti ceara bani, haine... cineva care cand ai nevoie e acolo fara sa doreasca sa primeasca atentie sau sa iti reproseze 1001 lucruri sau care sa nu fie multumit de ceea ce faci.
In ziua actuala este din ce in ce mai greu sa gasesti ceva pe ce sa te bazezi, sa stii ca este acolo cand ai nevoie. Si asta se poate obtine atat de usor. Fiindca un laptop ce are o autonomie atat de mare iti devine un prieten adevarat si de neinlocuit.
Ce as face eu daca as beneficia de 12 ore de autonomie?
As avea pe ce sa lucrez in cele 3 ore petrecute pe drum as avea pe ce sa lucrez fara stres la servici si la scoala si acasa in desele momente cand raman fara curent...
As putea sa merg in parc sa scriu si sa lucrez.
As putea sa mai scap de o sursa de stres zilnica.
As putea sa plec linistit la munte fara sa mai car pe munte si incarcatorul. Si sa scriu impresiile din varf de munte fara sa ma uit cat timp mai am baterie. Sau sa caut prima cabana ca sa pot lucra.
Pot sa pierd legatura la avion fara sa caut cu disperare o priza sa imi incarc calulatorul. Pot sa ma tolanesc intr-un scaun si sa astept urmatorul avion si sa nu mor de plictiseala intre timp.
Pot sa starnesc invidia colegilor mei. Pot sa castig in fata lor prin mobilitate si independenta.
Pot sa castig minute pretioase. Pot, castigand acel timp mort sa fac mai multe in timpul zilei si sa ajung si eu sa dorm 7 ore pe noapte.
Pot sa lucrez ascultand in acelasi timp muzica care ma binedispune si imi creste randamentul si ma izoleaza de discutiile colegilor.
Toate acestea creeaza un cadru ideal in care ai putea sa lucrezi.
Dar cand are 12 ore autonomie, cand arata si atat de bine... este fiabil... si poti sa faci economie si la bec noaptea ca vezi tastele...... si e solid... si e atat de frumos.... crezi ca ai visat ceva din viitor.... dar cand te trezesti nu dispare ci e real.
Si are si un nume (oare daca il strig de 3 ori vine la mine?). Un nume simplu si frumos... ASUS UL30.
Si nu doar ca are un nume dar il poti si gasi.
ASUS UL30, ASUS UL30, ASUS UL30!
(macar merita sa incerc, nu?)
Acest articol a fost scris pentru prima etapa a concursului SuperBlog 2009, organizat de PCNews.
18 octombrie 2009
17 octombrie 2009
Link dump
Zilele tecute am facut o recenzia unei lucrari de doctorat a unui un coleg. Inainte am dat o cautare pe Google ca sa vad cateva modele si moduri de abordare a problemei. Nu mi-am imaginat ca o sa dau si peste o recenzie in care ii este desfiintata lucrarea doctorandului. La fiecare punct al lucrarii ii este gasit cate-un element negativ. Fraza din concluzie "a possible change of my opinion could be caused only by an absolutely excellent presentation" face toti banii.
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Se ia o Skoda veche. Se taie jumate si se transforma intr-o limuzina. Nici nu stiu cum s-o denumesc. Redneck/homemade limo.
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Niste exceptionale imagini 3D ale corpului uman realizate cu un microscop electronic. Se pot vedea detalii de 1-5nm.
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Din torturi pot iesi opere de arta. Am doua exemple recente. Un tort in stil Van Gogh si mai multe torturi in forma de cosciug, ca tot vine Halloweenul in curand.
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O demonstratie de muzica si arta prin jonglerie sustinuta de celebrul Michael Moschen.
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Pe 4 octombrie a fost ziua animalelor. Se sarbatoresc atat animalele cat si relatia om animal. In continuare e o serie de 41 fotografii superbe ce au in centrul atentiei animalele.
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Un pusti de 9 ani reuseste o schema exceptionala la o lovitura de pedeapsa la hochei. N-am vazut asta incercata de niciun jucator profesionist.
Se ia o Skoda veche. Se taie jumate si se transforma intr-o limuzina. Nici nu stiu cum s-o denumesc. Redneck/homemade limo.
Niste exceptionale imagini 3D ale corpului uman realizate cu un microscop electronic. Se pot vedea detalii de 1-5nm.
Din torturi pot iesi opere de arta. Am doua exemple recente. Un tort in stil Van Gogh si mai multe torturi in forma de cosciug, ca tot vine Halloweenul in curand.
O demonstratie de muzica si arta prin jonglerie sustinuta de celebrul Michael Moschen.
Pe 4 octombrie a fost ziua animalelor. Se sarbatoresc atat animalele cat si relatia om animal. In continuare e o serie de 41 fotografii superbe ce au in centrul atentiei animalele.
Un pusti de 9 ani reuseste o schema exceptionala la o lovitura de pedeapsa la hochei. N-am vazut asta incercata de niciun jucator profesionist.
16 octombrie 2009
Friday laughs
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beach comber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,
"Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” calls one of the nuns.
“Blind man,” replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other, shrug, and decide that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room.
They open the door.
“Nice boobs,” says the man. “Where do you want these blinds?”
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously upset.
"What's the matter, buddy?" asks the bartender.
"It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her darned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the edge by my fingernails without any clothes on!"
"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.
"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated. When her husband came into the room, he wanted to have sex with her -- but he had to piss first. And the lazy son of a gun pissed out the window right onto my head!"
"Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy mood."
"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really made me mad. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished the husband tossed his condom out the window. And where does it land? On my damned forehead!"
"Damn, that really is a drag!"
"Oh, I'm not finished! See, what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!"
"That would sure mess up my day."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!"
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?”
Tom says: “I would switch one train to another track.”
“What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector.
“Then I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there”, answers Tom.
“What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector.
“Then,” Tom continued, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.”
“What if the phone was busy?”
“In that case,” Tom argued, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station”.
“What if that had been vandalized?”
“Oh well,” said Tom, “in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo”.
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, “Why would you do that?”
“Because he’s never seen a train crash.”
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
The kids in the neighborhood held an election. The grownups were astonished that a four-year-old had been elected president.
"That boy must be a born leader," one Dad observed. "How does it happen that all you bigger boys voted for him?"
"Well, you see Dad," one lad replied. "He cannot very well be secretary because he doesn't know how to write. He would not do for treasurer because he is not able to count. He would never do for sergeant- at-arms because he is too little to throw anybody out. If we did not choose him for anything, he would feel bad. So we made him president."
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
A man and his wife are sitting in the living room watching a drama about a man who lost consciousness and went into a coma.
He says to her “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens to me, just pull the plug.”
His wife gets up and unplugs the TV.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
A man has been shipwrecked on a deserted island for ten years. Then one day he is down at the shoreline when he spots a ship on the horizon. He frantically waves his arms and jumps up and down shouting, until he spies a rowboat being let down into the water from the ship. About ten minutes later the rowboat reaches the shore carrying a man in a captain's uniform.
"Thank Christ for that!" says our shipwrecked hero, "I thought I was never going to be rescued."
"How long have you been here?" asks the Captain.
"Ten years, ten long years" replies the man.
"Ten years?" says the Captain "How have you coped all that time on your own?"
"Well, I'm quite a resourceful fellow, I've built my own house;there it is, over there, Number 1!"
"But ten years!" says the Captain, "ten years without sex!"
"Ahhhh, well..... that's not quite true" says the man shyly.
"What do you mean?" inquires the Captain.
"Well, about six months ago I was down here on the shore washing my feet, when I noticed an ostrich up the beach with it's head buried in the sand and it's ass facing me. Well, I thought it's been nine and a half years, so I crept up behind it and WALLOP!"
"Oh God, that must have been disgusting!" cries the genuinely shocked Captain.
"Well, it was alright for the first five miles, but then we got out of step."
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
A certain island in the West Indies is liable to the periodical advent of earthquakes. One year before the season of these terrestrial disturbances, Mr. X., who lived in the danger zone, sent his two sons to the home of a brother in England, to secure them from the impending havoc.
Evidently the quiet of the staid English household was disturbed by the irruption of the two West Indians, for the returning mail steamer carried a message to Mr. X., brief but emphatic:
"Take back your boys; send me the earthquake."
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
At a girl's college dormitory, dates were permitted only on Saturday night. One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, explaining to an older woman in the lobby of the dorm that it was imperative he see a certain young lady immediately.
"I want to surprise her. You see, I'm her brother."
"Oh, she'll be surprised all right," said the woman.
"But think of how surprised I am! I'm her mother!"
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
via via via via via via
"Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” calls one of the nuns.
“Blind man,” replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other, shrug, and decide that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room.
They open the door.
“Nice boobs,” says the man. “Where do you want these blinds?”
A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously upset.
"What's the matter, buddy?" asks the bartender.
"It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her darned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the edge by my fingernails without any clothes on!"
"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.
"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated. When her husband came into the room, he wanted to have sex with her -- but he had to piss first. And the lazy son of a gun pissed out the window right onto my head!"
"Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy mood."
"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really made me mad. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished the husband tossed his condom out the window. And where does it land? On my damned forehead!"
"Damn, that really is a drag!"
"Oh, I'm not finished! See, what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!"
"That would sure mess up my day."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!"
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?”
Tom says: “I would switch one train to another track.”
“What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector.
“Then I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there”, answers Tom.
“What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector.
“Then,” Tom continued, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.”
“What if the phone was busy?”
“In that case,” Tom argued, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station”.
“What if that had been vandalized?”
“Oh well,” said Tom, “in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo”.
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, “Why would you do that?”
“Because he’s never seen a train crash.”
The kids in the neighborhood held an election. The grownups were astonished that a four-year-old had been elected president.
"That boy must be a born leader," one Dad observed. "How does it happen that all you bigger boys voted for him?"
"Well, you see Dad," one lad replied. "He cannot very well be secretary because he doesn't know how to write. He would not do for treasurer because he is not able to count. He would never do for sergeant- at-arms because he is too little to throw anybody out. If we did not choose him for anything, he would feel bad. So we made him president."
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
A man and his wife are sitting in the living room watching a drama about a man who lost consciousness and went into a coma.
He says to her “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens to me, just pull the plug.”
His wife gets up and unplugs the TV.
A man has been shipwrecked on a deserted island for ten years. Then one day he is down at the shoreline when he spots a ship on the horizon. He frantically waves his arms and jumps up and down shouting, until he spies a rowboat being let down into the water from the ship. About ten minutes later the rowboat reaches the shore carrying a man in a captain's uniform.
"Thank Christ for that!" says our shipwrecked hero, "I thought I was never going to be rescued."
"How long have you been here?" asks the Captain.
"Ten years, ten long years" replies the man.
"Ten years?" says the Captain "How have you coped all that time on your own?"
"Well, I'm quite a resourceful fellow, I've built my own house;there it is, over there, Number 1!"
"But ten years!" says the Captain, "ten years without sex!"
"Ahhhh, well..... that's not quite true" says the man shyly.
"What do you mean?" inquires the Captain.
"Well, about six months ago I was down here on the shore washing my feet, when I noticed an ostrich up the beach with it's head buried in the sand and it's ass facing me. Well, I thought it's been nine and a half years, so I crept up behind it and WALLOP!"
"Oh God, that must have been disgusting!" cries the genuinely shocked Captain.
"Well, it was alright for the first five miles, but then we got out of step."
A certain island in the West Indies is liable to the periodical advent of earthquakes. One year before the season of these terrestrial disturbances, Mr. X., who lived in the danger zone, sent his two sons to the home of a brother in England, to secure them from the impending havoc.
Evidently the quiet of the staid English household was disturbed by the irruption of the two West Indians, for the returning mail steamer carried a message to Mr. X., brief but emphatic:
"Take back your boys; send me the earthquake."
At a girl's college dormitory, dates were permitted only on Saturday night. One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, explaining to an older woman in the lobby of the dorm that it was imperative he see a certain young lady immediately.
"I want to surprise her. You see, I'm her brother."
"Oh, she'll be surprised all right," said the woman.
"But think of how surprised I am! I'm her mother!"
via via via via via via
14 octombrie 2009
Link dump
De cand am vazut pentru prima oara animatia din videoclipul de mai jos, am devenit fanul melodiei. Imi sta deja pe creier. Cred ca am ascultat-o deja de vreo 10-15 ori. E creata de Ceri Frost si se numeste, la fel ca si animatia, Dead all along. Dupa ce am vizionat clipul de cateva ori am inceput sa inteleg si animatia. Se potriveste perfect cu melodia. Caut deja mp3ul. Mai sunt alte creatii dragute pe siteul personal al lui Ceri Frost.
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Sa ne delectam cu 2 probleme de mare profunzime expuse pe Yahoo Answers. Incepe sa fie mult mai amuzant decat sa citesc bancuri. Prima este doar aiuritoare. La a doua, pe langa problema in sine, raspunsul scurt si la obiect face toti banii.
via via
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Niste asternuturi ingenioase ca design pot oferi o liniste interioara excelenta si pot transforma un somn intr-o relaxare profunda. Si mai mult, pot transforma patul si intr-un loc de joaca. Dar peste toate aceastea e placerea vizuala si iesirea din anonimat pe care ele o creaza. As vrea si eu cateva dintre ele. Pacat ca pe la noi nu poti gasi asa ceva.
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O fima de sicrie s-a gandit sa-si faca reclama printr-un calendar cu manechine. Si zau ca arata bine pozele alea. Sa-ti tot cumperi un sicriu.
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Un videoclip exceptional cu procesul de creatie al unei opere de arta intr-un gang. Totul este facut doar din vopsea si poze. Plus talent si imaginatie. Niciun efect special. Rezultatul e fara cuvinte. Cred ca e una din cele mai interesante forme de graffiti pe care am vazut-o in ultimul timp
via
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Niste "traduceri" interesante ale mesajelor din limba de lemn a dilogurilor de birou in cuvinte normale, inteles de toata lumea. Mai pe sleau, ca sa zic asa.
Sa ne delectam cu 2 probleme de mare profunzime expuse pe Yahoo Answers. Incepe sa fie mult mai amuzant decat sa citesc bancuri. Prima este doar aiuritoare. La a doua, pe langa problema in sine, raspunsul scurt si la obiect face toti banii.
via via
Niste asternuturi ingenioase ca design pot oferi o liniste interioara excelenta si pot transforma un somn intr-o relaxare profunda. Si mai mult, pot transforma patul si intr-un loc de joaca. Dar peste toate aceastea e placerea vizuala si iesirea din anonimat pe care ele o creaza. As vrea si eu cateva dintre ele. Pacat ca pe la noi nu poti gasi asa ceva.
O fima de sicrie s-a gandit sa-si faca reclama printr-un calendar cu manechine. Si zau ca arata bine pozele alea. Sa-ti tot cumperi un sicriu.
Un videoclip exceptional cu procesul de creatie al unei opere de arta intr-un gang. Totul este facut doar din vopsea si poze. Plus talent si imaginatie. Niciun efect special. Rezultatul e fara cuvinte. Cred ca e una din cele mai interesante forme de graffiti pe care am vazut-o in ultimul timp
via
Niste "traduceri" interesante ale mesajelor din limba de lemn a dilogurilor de birou in cuvinte normale, inteles de toata lumea. Mai pe sleau, ca sa zic asa.
9 octombrie 2009
Friday laughs
A college student was delivering pizza to a regular customer's house in New York. The guy who answered the door asked him, "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth,"this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
"Is that so?" snorted the man. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks!" replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying?" asked the man.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your bits were chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find them.
Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on,
'You've got $9000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new one that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand dollars an inch.
The bloke perks up at this.
'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. It's something you'd better discuss with your wife.I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nineincher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.
So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day.
'So' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?
'I have.' says the fellow.
'And has she helped you in making the decision?'
'She has' says the bloke.
'And what is it?' asks the doctor.
'We're having a new kitchen'.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
The private jumped out of his foxhole and took off for the rear.
“Get down, you fool,” yelled the lieutenant. “The enemy will see you where you are!”
“They may see where I was,” the soldier shouted back, “but, by golly, nobody’s gonna see where I am!”
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Q: “What has an IQ of 42?”
A: “40 Marines plus their lieutenant”
Q. “Why does the Navy put Marines on board ships?”
A. “Because sheep would be too obvious”
Q. “What do smart Marines and UFOs have in common?”
A. “You always hear about them but you never see them”
Q. “Why do the commodes in Marine barracks have the cut-out type seats?”
A. “So that if the seat falls while they’re drinking, it won’t smack them in the back of the head”
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Two drunk fighter pilots are flying in formation.
Leader to W1: “Can you see me?”
W1 to Leader: “No.”"Can you see ME?”
Leader to W1: “No.”
W1 to Leader: “Cool, now we are stealth fighters.”
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
‘Not a chance,’ says the husband, ‘it is 3:00 in the morning!’ He slams the door and returns to bed.
‘Who was that?’ asked his wife.
‘Just some drunk asking for a push,’ he answers.
‘Did you help him?’ she asks.
‘No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it’s pouring rain out there!’
‘Well, you have a short memory,’ says his wife. ‘Can’t you remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!’
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, ‘Hello, are you still there?’
‘Yes,’ comes back the answer.
‘Do you u still need a push?’ calls out the husband.
‘Yes, please!’ came the reply from the dark.
‘Where are you?’ asks the husband.
‘Over here on the swing,’ replies the drunk.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
A teacher told her class to go home and the first 5 words they heard they were to say in school the next day. One boy went home and as soon as he walked into the kichen he heard his mother say:
“SHUT UP!!!!”
So he wrote down ”shut up” on a pice of papper. He went into the living room to find his dad wathching a movie, and it said:
“Yea Baby!”
So he wrote that down on his paper. He was going through the dining room to go to his sisters room, when he heard a Batman episode on. The theme song was on, and it said:
“Da-na-na-na Batman!!”
So he wrote that down too. When he got to his sisters room, she was praticing for the school play. He came in when she sang:
“Over the rainbow!!!”
When he wote that down he shouted “Yes, I’m done my homework!”
When he went to school the next day the teacher aked him to say his words first. He stood up and said:
“Shut up!”
The teacher was furious and said “Excuse me? Do you want to go to the Principal’s office youngman?”
The boy replied, “Yea baby.”
So the teacher sent him to the office right away. Still saying his wods the princiapal asked him “Who do you think you are telling a teacher to shut up?”
The boy answerd, “Da-na-na-na Batman!!”
“Oh really?” said the principal “Where do you think you’re going now?”
The boy answerd the simple question with a simple answer, “Over the rainbow!”
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Joey and Katie are sitting in school.
Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
“Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?” Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty! !” Exclaimed Katie.
“Correct.” Says the teacher.
So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up “Who created Heaven and Earth?” Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey’s pencil “Jesus Christ almighty!” she exclaims.
“Correct again.” Says the teacher.
So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey’s pencil again, and screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!”
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A little 9 year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy" she said, " Can we leave now?"
"No." her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Well, then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about 2 minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes," replied the little girl.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy," she replied. "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick.'"
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President Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy’.
So our illustrious democratic President asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.
One little boy stood up and offered: ‘If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy?’
‘No,’ said Obama, ‘that would be an accident.’ A little girl raised her hand: ‘If a school bus carrying 50 children drove a over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.’ ‘I’m afraid not,’ explained Obama. ‘That’s what we would call a great loss.’
The room went silent… No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. ‘Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: ‘If the plane carrying you and Mrs.. Obama was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.’
‘Fantastic!’ exclaimed Obama. ‘That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?’
‘Well,’ says Little Johnny, ‘It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss… and it probably wouldn’t be a damn accident either.’
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via via via via via
"Well," replied the youth,"this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
"Is that so?" snorted the man. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks!" replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying?" asked the man.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."
A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your bits were chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find them.
Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on,
'You've got $9000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new one that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand dollars an inch.
The bloke perks up at this.
'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. It's something you'd better discuss with your wife.I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nineincher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.
So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day.
'So' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?
'I have.' says the fellow.
'And has she helped you in making the decision?'
'She has' says the bloke.
'And what is it?' asks the doctor.
'We're having a new kitchen'.
The private jumped out of his foxhole and took off for the rear.
“Get down, you fool,” yelled the lieutenant. “The enemy will see you where you are!”
“They may see where I was,” the soldier shouted back, “but, by golly, nobody’s gonna see where I am!”
Q: “What has an IQ of 42?”
A: “40 Marines plus their lieutenant”
Q. “Why does the Navy put Marines on board ships?”
A. “Because sheep would be too obvious”
Q. “What do smart Marines and UFOs have in common?”
A. “You always hear about them but you never see them”
Q. “Why do the commodes in Marine barracks have the cut-out type seats?”
A. “So that if the seat falls while they’re drinking, it won’t smack them in the back of the head”
Two drunk fighter pilots are flying in formation.
Leader to W1: “Can you see me?”
W1 to Leader: “No.”"Can you see ME?”
Leader to W1: “No.”
W1 to Leader: “Cool, now we are stealth fighters.”
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
‘Not a chance,’ says the husband, ‘it is 3:00 in the morning!’ He slams the door and returns to bed.
‘Who was that?’ asked his wife.
‘Just some drunk asking for a push,’ he answers.
‘Did you help him?’ she asks.
‘No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it’s pouring rain out there!’
‘Well, you have a short memory,’ says his wife. ‘Can’t you remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!’
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, ‘Hello, are you still there?’
‘Yes,’ comes back the answer.
‘Do you u still need a push?’ calls out the husband.
‘Yes, please!’ came the reply from the dark.
‘Where are you?’ asks the husband.
‘Over here on the swing,’ replies the drunk.
A teacher told her class to go home and the first 5 words they heard they were to say in school the next day. One boy went home and as soon as he walked into the kichen he heard his mother say:
“SHUT UP!!!!”
So he wrote down ”shut up” on a pice of papper. He went into the living room to find his dad wathching a movie, and it said:
“Yea Baby!”
So he wrote that down on his paper. He was going through the dining room to go to his sisters room, when he heard a Batman episode on. The theme song was on, and it said:
“Da-na-na-na Batman!!”
So he wrote that down too. When he got to his sisters room, she was praticing for the school play. He came in when she sang:
“Over the rainbow!!!”
When he wote that down he shouted “Yes, I’m done my homework!”
When he went to school the next day the teacher aked him to say his words first. He stood up and said:
“Shut up!”
The teacher was furious and said “Excuse me? Do you want to go to the Principal’s office youngman?”
The boy replied, “Yea baby.”
So the teacher sent him to the office right away. Still saying his wods the princiapal asked him “Who do you think you are telling a teacher to shut up?”
The boy answerd, “Da-na-na-na Batman!!”
“Oh really?” said the principal “Where do you think you’re going now?”
The boy answerd the simple question with a simple answer, “Over the rainbow!”
Joey and Katie are sitting in school.
Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
“Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?” Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty! !” Exclaimed Katie.
“Correct.” Says the teacher.
So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up “Who created Heaven and Earth?” Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey’s pencil “Jesus Christ almighty!” she exclaims.
“Correct again.” Says the teacher.
So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey’s pencil again, and screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!”
A little 9 year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy" she said, " Can we leave now?"
"No." her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Well, then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about 2 minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes," replied the little girl.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy," she replied. "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick.'"
President Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy’.
So our illustrious democratic President asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.
One little boy stood up and offered: ‘If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy?’
‘No,’ said Obama, ‘that would be an accident.’ A little girl raised her hand: ‘If a school bus carrying 50 children drove a over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.’ ‘I’m afraid not,’ explained Obama. ‘That’s what we would call a great loss.’
The room went silent… No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. ‘Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: ‘If the plane carrying you and Mrs.. Obama was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.’
‘Fantastic!’ exclaimed Obama. ‘That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?’
‘Well,’ says Little Johnny, ‘It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss… and it probably wouldn’t be a damn accident either.’
via via via via via
8 octombrie 2009
Link dump
Era acu ceva vreme pe Discovery o emisiune in care 2 echipe se intreceau intr-o competitie folosind echipamente construite de ei din fiare vechi. Ceva gen "Scrap challenge" cred ca-i spunea. N-am mai vazut-o in program de ceva vreme. De emisiune mi-am adus aminte citind ca a aparut si un parc tematic al sculpturilor din fiare vechi din Ohio
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Secolul 20 nu a adus numai inventii ingenioase si folositoare intregii omeniri. Au fost si atatea incercari esuate dar si inventii total nefolositoare. Cele mai nastrusnice si stupide 30 de inventii din secolul trecut au fost grupate si trecute in revista de cei de la revista Life.
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Arta din hartia impaturita nu e ceva nou. Origami e in cultura japoneza de secole integi. Dar unii oameni au dus aceasta arta dincolo de limite. E incredibil ce poate iesi din mainile acestora. Sunt prezentati in continuare 10 dintre acesti extraordinari artisti si cateva din creatiile lor. Unele aparute dintr-o singura foaie de hartie.
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Asta e special pentru barbati. E o lege nescrisa a pisoarelor care spune ca intr-un wc distanta dintre doi sau mai multi folositori de pisoare este maxima. Mi-a placut extrem de mult un articol in care se explica aceasta lege si din punct de vedere matematic.
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"Vrem sa reducem costurile. Vrem sa taiem cheltuielile inutile. Vrem sa facem rezerve cat mai mari de capital. Si pentru toate acestea platim unor baieti destepti 3 milioane de dolari ca sa ne invete si pe noi cum". Si nu se intampla Romania. Se intampla chiar la celebra universitate Berkeley. Cred c-au invatat de la ai nostrii.
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Fails. Epic fails. Catastrophic fails. Greatest fails. O compilatie exceptioanala. Apare si o poza din land of choice p-acolo. Sa se stie care sunt prioritatile noastre.
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Enciclopediile sunt la moda azi. Pentru orice, apare o enciclopedie. O enciclopedie a hartiei igienice e tot ce ne mai trebuia. Orice ati vrut sa stiti despre acest obiect banal dar atat de dorit cand lipseste, puteti afla cu doar cateva clcikuri.
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In perindarile mele dintr-o pagina in alta dau cateodata de chestii care nu mi-ar fi trecut niciodata prin cap. Desi in momentul in care le vad imi dau seama ca sunt totusi niste chestii banale dar atat de ingenioase, trebuie sa recunosc ca mie nu mi-ar fi dat prea curand prin cap. O chestie de genul acesta este urmatoarea: se iau un creion, o foaie si niste muste moarte. Rezultatul e genial.
Secolul 20 nu a adus numai inventii ingenioase si folositoare intregii omeniri. Au fost si atatea incercari esuate dar si inventii total nefolositoare. Cele mai nastrusnice si stupide 30 de inventii din secolul trecut au fost grupate si trecute in revista de cei de la revista Life.
Arta din hartia impaturita nu e ceva nou. Origami e in cultura japoneza de secole integi. Dar unii oameni au dus aceasta arta dincolo de limite. E incredibil ce poate iesi din mainile acestora. Sunt prezentati in continuare 10 dintre acesti extraordinari artisti si cateva din creatiile lor. Unele aparute dintr-o singura foaie de hartie.
Asta e special pentru barbati. E o lege nescrisa a pisoarelor care spune ca intr-un wc distanta dintre doi sau mai multi folositori de pisoare este maxima. Mi-a placut extrem de mult un articol in care se explica aceasta lege si din punct de vedere matematic.
"Vrem sa reducem costurile. Vrem sa taiem cheltuielile inutile. Vrem sa facem rezerve cat mai mari de capital. Si pentru toate acestea platim unor baieti destepti 3 milioane de dolari ca sa ne invete si pe noi cum". Si nu se intampla Romania. Se intampla chiar la celebra universitate Berkeley. Cred c-au invatat de la ai nostrii.
Fails. Epic fails. Catastrophic fails. Greatest fails. O compilatie exceptioanala. Apare si o poza din land of choice p-acolo. Sa se stie care sunt prioritatile noastre.
Enciclopediile sunt la moda azi. Pentru orice, apare o enciclopedie. O enciclopedie a hartiei igienice e tot ce ne mai trebuia. Orice ati vrut sa stiti despre acest obiect banal dar atat de dorit cand lipseste, puteti afla cu doar cateva clcikuri.
In perindarile mele dintr-o pagina in alta dau cateodata de chestii care nu mi-ar fi trecut niciodata prin cap. Desi in momentul in care le vad imi dau seama ca sunt totusi niste chestii banale dar atat de ingenioase, trebuie sa recunosc ca mie nu mi-ar fi dat prea curand prin cap. O chestie de genul acesta este urmatoarea: se iau un creion, o foaie si niste muste moarte. Rezultatul e genial.
6 octombrie 2009
Observatii si sfaturi utile pentru o vizita in Paris (partea II)
Prima parte o gasiti aici.
6. E bine sa aveti un plan cu ce vreti sa vizitati in fiecare zi. Macar sa-l faceti cu o zi inainte daca nu il aveti pentru toata durata sejurului. Eu cand plec in vacanta intr-un oras in care n-am mai fost imi fac o lista cu tot ce mi se pare mai important de vizitat si mai apoi incep sa le grupez pe zile. Nu o sa va iasa mereu. Apare neprevazutul (cozi, aglomeratie, etc) sau informari insuficiente inaintea vizitei (cel mai des e gresirea orelor de program ale diverselor obiective). D-aia e bine sa nu aveti un program foarte aglomerat sau cu ore stricte. Lasati timp suficient intre obiective si lasati ceva timp pentru odihna, lenevire si mancat.
7. Cel mai ieftin la capitolul mancare si bautura iesiti cu micile supermarketuri. Se gasesc mai prin toate locurile. Ed, Monoprix si Franprix sunt cam cele mai importante si ieftine. Au si sandwichuri triunghiulare reci de toate felurile. Pentru apa, in mod clar cel mai rentabil e supermarketul. O sticla de Perrier sau Evian de 1 litru e 0.8-0.9 euro. La orice alt magazin sau fast-food e 1.5-2 euro o sticla de 0.5 litri. Cel mai bine e sa aveti o sticla in rucsac si va opriti sa luati alta cand se termina.
8. Multe atractii turistice au pagini web si ofera promotii pentru bilete cumparate online, cupoane de reducere printabile sau chiar rezervari pentru vizite (adica nu mai stati la coada de la intrare). Deci o cautare pe web inainte de plecare va mai poate scuti de cativa euro sau ore de asteptare la cozi. De exemplu, in perioada in care am fost eu exista o reducere la Disney pentru un bilet de o zi la ambele parcuri de 10 euro pentru achizitia online fata de cea la fata locului. Pentru La Defence mai existau niste cupoane printabile de reducere si la Tour Eiffel se putea face rezervare pentru ora de vizitare (asta am aflat ulterior, in timp ce asteptam la coada).
9. Ca in orice tara cat de cat civilizata, duminica majoritatea magazinelor sunt inchise. Rar mai gasesti cate ceva deschis. Si acestea sunt doar pentru mancare. Orice altceva e deschis doar de luni pana sambata. Am intalnit si un supermarket chinezesc de cartier deschis duminica. Dar era inchis lunea. Deci o zi pe saptamana obligatoriu e liber. Cat despre programul dintr-o saptamana de lucru, acesta se termina in general la 7-8. Deja pe la ora 9 te simti stingher pe strazi. Dar nu in nesiguranta.
10. In majoritatea punctelor cheie din oras si pe langa atractiile turistice importante, se gasesc puncte de informare turistica. Sunt de forma unor ghisee de ziare de la noi. Se gasesc aici orice fel de pliante, harti, afise, ghiduri sau orice altceva are nevoie un turist pentru a se descurca in oras. Si sunt in destul de multe limbi de circulatie internationala. Bineinteles, romana nu. Si toate sunt gratis. Harti de buzunar se pot solicita si la orice ghiseu de informare de la intrarea la metrou.
6. E bine sa aveti un plan cu ce vreti sa vizitati in fiecare zi. Macar sa-l faceti cu o zi inainte daca nu il aveti pentru toata durata sejurului. Eu cand plec in vacanta intr-un oras in care n-am mai fost imi fac o lista cu tot ce mi se pare mai important de vizitat si mai apoi incep sa le grupez pe zile. Nu o sa va iasa mereu. Apare neprevazutul (cozi, aglomeratie, etc) sau informari insuficiente inaintea vizitei (cel mai des e gresirea orelor de program ale diverselor obiective). D-aia e bine sa nu aveti un program foarte aglomerat sau cu ore stricte. Lasati timp suficient intre obiective si lasati ceva timp pentru odihna, lenevire si mancat.
7. Cel mai ieftin la capitolul mancare si bautura iesiti cu micile supermarketuri. Se gasesc mai prin toate locurile. Ed, Monoprix si Franprix sunt cam cele mai importante si ieftine. Au si sandwichuri triunghiulare reci de toate felurile. Pentru apa, in mod clar cel mai rentabil e supermarketul. O sticla de Perrier sau Evian de 1 litru e 0.8-0.9 euro. La orice alt magazin sau fast-food e 1.5-2 euro o sticla de 0.5 litri. Cel mai bine e sa aveti o sticla in rucsac si va opriti sa luati alta cand se termina.
8. Multe atractii turistice au pagini web si ofera promotii pentru bilete cumparate online, cupoane de reducere printabile sau chiar rezervari pentru vizite (adica nu mai stati la coada de la intrare). Deci o cautare pe web inainte de plecare va mai poate scuti de cativa euro sau ore de asteptare la cozi. De exemplu, in perioada in care am fost eu exista o reducere la Disney pentru un bilet de o zi la ambele parcuri de 10 euro pentru achizitia online fata de cea la fata locului. Pentru La Defence mai existau niste cupoane printabile de reducere si la Tour Eiffel se putea face rezervare pentru ora de vizitare (asta am aflat ulterior, in timp ce asteptam la coada).
9. Ca in orice tara cat de cat civilizata, duminica majoritatea magazinelor sunt inchise. Rar mai gasesti cate ceva deschis. Si acestea sunt doar pentru mancare. Orice altceva e deschis doar de luni pana sambata. Am intalnit si un supermarket chinezesc de cartier deschis duminica. Dar era inchis lunea. Deci o zi pe saptamana obligatoriu e liber. Cat despre programul dintr-o saptamana de lucru, acesta se termina in general la 7-8. Deja pe la ora 9 te simti stingher pe strazi. Dar nu in nesiguranta.
10. In majoritatea punctelor cheie din oras si pe langa atractiile turistice importante, se gasesc puncte de informare turistica. Sunt de forma unor ghisee de ziare de la noi. Se gasesc aici orice fel de pliante, harti, afise, ghiduri sau orice altceva are nevoie un turist pentru a se descurca in oras. Si sunt in destul de multe limbi de circulatie internationala. Bineinteles, romana nu. Si toate sunt gratis. Harti de buzunar se pot solicita si la orice ghiseu de informare de la intrarea la metrou.
5 octombrie 2009
Si mizeria cine-o curata?
Azi la Universitate. Eu pe bicicleta. De cum am ajuns la fantana, m-au izbit in fata niste foi de hartie purtate de vant. Nimic neobisnuit in Bucuresti. Ca biciclist, de obicei sunt norocos daca scap doar cu hartii. Dar pana la gura de metrou se intindea deja un covor de hartii. Pur si simplu nu se mai vedea pavajul trotuarului. Si asa era in toate cele 4 colturi ale intersectiei. Puzderie de hartii A5. Vantul a ajutat din plin la imprastierea lor prin toata zona. Am apucat sa fac niste poze la coltul dinspre spitalul Coltea.
Acum, eu nu stiu pentru ce a fost manifestarea asta, cui i-a venit o astfel de idee sau ce au incercat sa demonstreze dar vin si eu cu o intrebare: curatenia cine o face? Sau macar cine o plateste?
Acum, eu nu stiu pentru ce a fost manifestarea asta, cui i-a venit o astfel de idee sau ce au incercat sa demonstreze dar vin si eu cu o intrebare: curatenia cine o face? Sau macar cine o plateste?
3 octombrie 2009
Link dump
35 din cele mai frumoase imagini ale anului surprinse de cei de la National Geographic. Majoritatea ar merita pe deplin sa fie si desktop wallpapers.
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Un cetatean solicita perfect legal primariei o copie dupa un contract public. Raspunsul vine prompt din partea primarului, pe la 2 noaptea. Cererea ii este acceptata pentru ca este obligatia primariei de a furniza informatia ceruta. Dar primarul simte nevoia sa faca niste mici adaugiri personale in email. Expresii ca "you're a worthless piece of s**t and I wouldn't p**s on you if you were on fire" sunt incluse.
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Pe principiul giroscopului, niste baieti destepti au inventat "giroata" (roata cu giroscop). Au plecat de la nevoia de a invata sa mearga cu bicicleta a copiilor. Si doreau sa elimine rotile ajutatoare din spate. Au reusit. Inventia e geniala.
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Google Doodles. Arhiva tuturor logourilor speciale pe care le-a avut Google pe prima pagina. Unele dintre ele specifice anumitor tari. Exista si un feed care se poate adauga la reader pentru a fi la curent cu cele mai recente creatii.
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Burgerul de 1.5kg a fost pus in vanzare in Marea Britanie. Contine o tona de calorii: 2645. Arata infiorator. Si se numeste Super Scooby. Asta deja nu mai e fast-food. Numai fast nu se mananca asta.
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Planeta noastra e un nesfarsit izvor de locuri fasinante. Paradisuri, privelisti, forme de relief, etc. Dar sunt si locuri mai neobisnuite. Poate ca sunt si multe inca nedescoperite. Dar iata-le pe cele mai neobisnuite 10 locuri care au fost descoperite.
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Plange copilu'. De ce plange copilul? Ce facem ca sa nu mai planga copilul? Intrebari la care pana acum se raspundea prin instinct. Acum a aparut gadgetul care ofera raspunsul. Are nevoie de 20 de secunde si pe baza frecventei oracaitului da o estimare asupra cauzelor plansului copilului. Doar 100$.
Un cetatean solicita perfect legal primariei o copie dupa un contract public. Raspunsul vine prompt din partea primarului, pe la 2 noaptea. Cererea ii este acceptata pentru ca este obligatia primariei de a furniza informatia ceruta. Dar primarul simte nevoia sa faca niste mici adaugiri personale in email. Expresii ca "you're a worthless piece of s**t and I wouldn't p**s on you if you were on fire" sunt incluse.
Pe principiul giroscopului, niste baieti destepti au inventat "giroata" (roata cu giroscop). Au plecat de la nevoia de a invata sa mearga cu bicicleta a copiilor. Si doreau sa elimine rotile ajutatoare din spate. Au reusit. Inventia e geniala.
Google Doodles. Arhiva tuturor logourilor speciale pe care le-a avut Google pe prima pagina. Unele dintre ele specifice anumitor tari. Exista si un feed care se poate adauga la reader pentru a fi la curent cu cele mai recente creatii.
Burgerul de 1.5kg a fost pus in vanzare in Marea Britanie. Contine o tona de calorii: 2645. Arata infiorator. Si se numeste Super Scooby. Asta deja nu mai e fast-food. Numai fast nu se mananca asta.
Planeta noastra e un nesfarsit izvor de locuri fasinante. Paradisuri, privelisti, forme de relief, etc. Dar sunt si locuri mai neobisnuite. Poate ca sunt si multe inca nedescoperite. Dar iata-le pe cele mai neobisnuite 10 locuri care au fost descoperite.
Plange copilu'. De ce plange copilul? Ce facem ca sa nu mai planga copilul? Intrebari la care pana acum se raspundea prin instinct. Acum a aparut gadgetul care ofera raspunsul. Are nevoie de 20 de secunde si pe baza frecventei oracaitului da o estimare asupra cauzelor plansului copilului. Doar 100$.
2 octombrie 2009
Friday laughs
Three guys are drinking in a bar, when another man comes in and starts drinking at the bar. After a while he approaches the guys, and pointing at the one in the middle, shouts "I’ve fucked your mom!"
The three guys look bewildered and the man resumes drinking at the bar. Ten minutes later he comes back and screams, "Your mom’s sucked my cock!"
Ten more minutes and the same thing happens. He announces loudly, "I’ve had your mom up the ass!"
The young guys have had enough of this, and the one in the middle stands up and shouts, "Dad, you’re fuck’n drunk, go home!"
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A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room.
She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.
He asks, "What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He goes, "Oooh. Uh. Er. I didn't know. I uh..."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Deciding to take a day off from his important job, a young hot-shot broker went back to visit some of his professors at his old school. Entering the school, he saw a dog attacking a small child. He quickly jumped on the dog and strangled it.
The next day, the local paper reported the story with the headline "Valiant Student Saves Boy From Fearsome Dog."
The broker called the editor of the paper and strongly suggested that a correction be issued, pointing out that he was no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker.
The following day, the paper issued a correction, with a headline that read, "Pompous Stock Broker Kills School Mascot."
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
The new school librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a 'Contract' for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a third grader who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought three books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the librarian could even start her speech, he said scornfully, "The other librarian we had knew how to write."
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Early Saturday morning a policeman waited across the street from a popular bar, hoping for a nail a drunken driver, possibly preventing a tragic accident.
At closing time the patrons came out and the officer spotted his potential quarry. One man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.
After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped.
Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.
The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00.
The patrolman was dumbfounded. “This equipment must be broken!” he exclaimed.
“I doubt it,” said the man, “Tonight I am the designated decoy!”
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Sex is like a gas station.
Sometimes you get full service.
Sometimes you have to ask for service.
Sometimes you have to be happy with self-service.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
The teacher asked if anyone in class could use the word incompletely in a sentence?
Johnny stood up and said "When my balls touch my girlfriends asshole, I know I'm in-completely"
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Three very macho mice are standing around trying to outdo each other.
The first mouse says, “You know those little pellets they put out around the house trying to poison us? I love those things. I eat ‘em like candy.”
The second mouse, not to be outdone says, “Oh yeah? Well, you know those mousetraps they put out to try to catch us? What I do is get on the trap, grab the cheese, and then flip over onto my back, and when the steel bar comes swinging down I grab it and do bench presses with it.”
The third mouse says, “You guys are really a couple of tough mice, and I’d love to keep hangin’ out with you, but I gotta go fuck the cat.”
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
The Policeman had stopped the man for obvious drunken driving, but since the guy had a clean record, he made him park the car and took him home in the patrol car.
"Are you sure this is your house?" the cop asked as they drove into a rather fashionable neighborhood.
"Shertainly! " said the drunk, "and if you'll just open the door f'me, I can prove it to ya."
The police officer followed the man as he shakily negotiated the stairs to the second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door they came to.
"Thish ish my bedroom," he announced. "Shee the bed there? Thast mine! Shee that woman lying in the bed? Thash my wife. An' see that guy lying next to her?
"Yeah?" the cop replied suspiciously. Beginning at this point to seriously doubt the man's story.
"Well, thash me!"
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
At the height of a business corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked Zardari the witness.
"Isn't it true," bellowed the lawyer, "that you accepted Fifty million Rupees to compromise this case?"
Zardari stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted Fifty million Rupees to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
Zardari still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Zardari , please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled Zardari said, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, I thought he was talking to you."
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
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The three guys look bewildered and the man resumes drinking at the bar. Ten minutes later he comes back and screams, "Your mom’s sucked my cock!"
Ten more minutes and the same thing happens. He announces loudly, "I’ve had your mom up the ass!"
The young guys have had enough of this, and the one in the middle stands up and shouts, "Dad, you’re fuck’n drunk, go home!"
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room.
She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.
He asks, "What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He goes, "Oooh. Uh. Er. I didn't know. I uh..."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
Deciding to take a day off from his important job, a young hot-shot broker went back to visit some of his professors at his old school. Entering the school, he saw a dog attacking a small child. He quickly jumped on the dog and strangled it.
The next day, the local paper reported the story with the headline "Valiant Student Saves Boy From Fearsome Dog."
The broker called the editor of the paper and strongly suggested that a correction be issued, pointing out that he was no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker.
The following day, the paper issued a correction, with a headline that read, "Pompous Stock Broker Kills School Mascot."
The new school librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a 'Contract' for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a third grader who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought three books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the librarian could even start her speech, he said scornfully, "The other librarian we had knew how to write."
Early Saturday morning a policeman waited across the street from a popular bar, hoping for a nail a drunken driver, possibly preventing a tragic accident.
At closing time the patrons came out and the officer spotted his potential quarry. One man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.
After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped.
Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.
The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00.
The patrolman was dumbfounded. “This equipment must be broken!” he exclaimed.
“I doubt it,” said the man, “Tonight I am the designated decoy!”
Sex is like a gas station.
Sometimes you get full service.
Sometimes you have to ask for service.
Sometimes you have to be happy with self-service.
The teacher asked if anyone in class could use the word incompletely in a sentence?
Johnny stood up and said "When my balls touch my girlfriends asshole, I know I'm in-completely"
Three very macho mice are standing around trying to outdo each other.
The first mouse says, “You know those little pellets they put out around the house trying to poison us? I love those things. I eat ‘em like candy.”
The second mouse, not to be outdone says, “Oh yeah? Well, you know those mousetraps they put out to try to catch us? What I do is get on the trap, grab the cheese, and then flip over onto my back, and when the steel bar comes swinging down I grab it and do bench presses with it.”
The third mouse says, “You guys are really a couple of tough mice, and I’d love to keep hangin’ out with you, but I gotta go fuck the cat.”
The Policeman had stopped the man for obvious drunken driving, but since the guy had a clean record, he made him park the car and took him home in the patrol car.
"Are you sure this is your house?" the cop asked as they drove into a rather fashionable neighborhood.
"Shertainly! " said the drunk, "and if you'll just open the door f'me, I can prove it to ya."
The police officer followed the man as he shakily negotiated the stairs to the second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door they came to.
"Thish ish my bedroom," he announced. "Shee the bed there? Thast mine! Shee that woman lying in the bed? Thash my wife. An' see that guy lying next to her?
"Yeah?" the cop replied suspiciously. Beginning at this point to seriously doubt the man's story.
"Well, thash me!"
At the height of a business corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked Zardari the witness.
"Isn't it true," bellowed the lawyer, "that you accepted Fifty million Rupees to compromise this case?"
Zardari stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted Fifty million Rupees to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
Zardari still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Zardari , please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled Zardari said, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, I thought he was talking to you."
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